Heartbreaker, you've got the best of me.

The trials of young love, well more specifically, if we’re going to get scientific, —the laws of attraction. I am no connoisseur of dating, as everyone must already know but I have been frequently reviewing the same concept in my head for weeks. What is it, you may ask yourself. You’re guilty of it, as am I and perhaps all the people we know. So here it goes: taking pride in breaking someone’s heart. Traditionally, heartbreak is gruesome, gut wrenching. You replay every good moment you ever shared with the person, constantly rewinding, pausing and analyzing for an insight as to what went wrong. Let’s backtrack --the breakup, the person who dumped you. In some cases, the person genuinely feels guilty, takes time to thoroughly explain him or herself, and lets you down gently. In others, it hits you like a speeding truck, no explanation, no sorrow, and no remorse. Though both don’t ever offer you the peace of mind you desire, you take the cards you have been dealt and try to move on to the best of your ability. Random sex, binge eating, flirting with the next pretty young thing- all pitiful attempts which leave you sitting at home alone cursing that bitch or bastard’s name, making you feel even more pathetic. Fast-forward five months. You find something that reminds you of that person. You reach to pick up the phone, just a silly little phone call, perhaps a text just to be nonchalant. Best-case scenario, you get a polite response and go on your merry ways. Though when the thought of you comes to them, let’s say- in a conversation with their friends they will make no hesitation to boast over the fact that they “let you down easy,” they “hated to do it” but just had to cut ties, they were the puppeteer of the heartstrings you once wanted to be played. Why is that? Are our egos so big that making someone crumble is enjoyable? A large majority of us have uttered, “I have him/her wrapped around my finger,” or “I have this one on lock.” Do you need that power and sense of superiority to contribute to a relationship? I suppose it’s a part of human nature to keep our vulnerability at bay. When someone reveals them self to us at that level, you take advantage and keep their feelings in your back pocket. I know people who take pride in the fact that if it ever so happened they wanted to step away from their partner, they would walk away unscathed, the other one would be devastated but not them, they could find a replacement in minutes. Since when has dating become like owning a car? You make all the payments, get the oil changed regularly, go to the car wash every two weeks, but in case there’s a crash, you always have insurance.

-Valerie Sullivan 

Some silly scriblings I found in my notebook.

Was just looking through one of my notebooks and came across these hidden gems.

Silly little things I write, I know.

Two  Two

2   2

and  one

to

Two  Two

2 2

makes 

3  3 

Three  Three

add five

to

Three Three

3 3

makes

8 8

Eight Eight

add 

Two Two 

2 2

to

Eight Eight

8 8

In the body of the body

10.

It was the best year of my life.

_________________________________________

Shine Shine Shine

Work Work Work

Clank Clank Clank

Swoosh Swoosh Swoosh

Be still

Just be still

No one move

No one leave

Bask in your memories

They are long forgotten

But are you?

MC's and too much time on CL.

As anyone should know, I read missed connections and personal ads on Craigslist daily. Pathetic, I know. Guilty pleasure? Very much so.

So I stumbled upon this today.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/1241693032.html

Someone finally wrote one about me. I've been anxiously awaiting this for ages now.

That is also very, very pathetic.

Buuuuut, this dude is probably mad ghetto and not my steez.

Still flattering nonetheless.

Great Show!

As expected, Little Joy never disappoints.

Fun show, party on stage and a cameo by Regina Spektor.

Lovely night, enjoy kiddies.

This video is shot on bolex, which is one of my favorites.

New Song!

I suck at posting, I'm sorry. No one reads this so it's alright.

Here's the newest song I wrote, credit to DG for inspiration.

I sing, no one knows that, but I do.

I think I might muster the strength to upload a video of me singing this song because I love it so.

But I really never sing for anyone...ever.

Enjoy!

I always say "more writing on the way!" but I'm as inspired as ever (which I also say ever post). Everything fades, I'm really trying here. Writing impromptu stories and all.

Here it goes:

Second String Quarterback 

By: Valerie Sullivan

They say first is the worst,

Second may be the best.

But what if it turns out, I’m just second best

 

You choose those girls before me,

Just ‘cause you’re horny

Coming home to me when you need some attention,

Or some more affection

 

I guess this makes me your second string quarterback

Always benched,

Till you decide its my turn.

I am just sitting,

While you’re the one playing the field.

 

So what do we do now?

I know that you care,

There’s just something that draws you,

To all those girls’ stares

 

They may wear high heels,

And they may be older,

But babe, I’m just me.

And with my feelings I cannot be bolder

 

I guess this makes me your second string quarterback

Always benched,

Till you decide its my turn.

I am just sitting,

While you’re the one playing the field.

 

I guess this makes me your second string quarterback

Always benched,

Till you decide its my turn.

I am just sitting,

While you’re the one playing the field.

 

No touchdowns from me, ‘cause I’m just second string.

But maybe, just maybe

Next season I’ll make it to first.

Not so good.

I've been getting too dizzy, too often. Almost daily.

Two writings- One more of a song, the other more of a poem in progress.

Will post them later tonight or tomorrow.

Quick little poem I wrote in class.

To write-only to erase

So quickly with haste

Dry, ink. You must not.

That last streak, you have been caught

I see you, you vanish

You're gone now, less panic

INSPIRED.

So many things coming up soon! Spring, Summer :) Nothing makes me happier.

Okay, so I'm happy. Really happy. 

Though frequently stressed, which I'm sure I rant and rant about, life is great.

A drawing I am really proud of was picked by my teacher to be one to choose from for Art Bash from our Research class, though I didn't win (Jamie's video was amazing!) I was so happy to be chosen. He is suggesting I submit it to open call. Not being very studio based, the fact that he really liked it and I really love it is just great. I just have to spend another 20 something hours re-doing it on better paper. WIgGiDy wHaCk! 

The more and more I write, such as proposals and even poems for my writing class, I love it more and more and more. So many ideas buzzing, song lyrics. I'm so happy Lyndie is coming here for the summer, we are going to make so much music.(Whether she likes it or not!) So excited for the fun tymz, Lynd! I am purchasing a ukulele, harmonica, and tambourine this weekend. Just for fun. Sh, don't tell anyone but I think I'm a half decent singer. (I just need to get over my fear of singing for people.) Maybe I'll upload a video of me singing somewhere, just to ease the pain. Ooh, ooh, ooh! I'm also in the process of drawing out my own font. Geekin' out on it, very very excited. 

Though technically it is Spring, why the hell is it 40 degrees?!?! Awful! But I can't wait to scrunch my toes in the grass and never wear pants just like Lady Gaga. 

Any of you twitter heads, follow me! --- twitter.com/partytymz

P.S: Everyone always posts cool vidz and pictures on their pages. Hm, I should do that too. Unfortunately for me and all of you, I'm not very cool. 

Whack!

I hate feeling so inspired and not doing anything about it.

It is such a frequent syndrome. 

I just need time, more time. 

I never sleep but it still isn't enough.

Some think I have insomnia, but really all I have is a fear of sleep.

I hate the loss of time. I yearn for extra minutes at the expense of my body. 

I've been sucking with my writing goal. I've had so many ideas for pieces but just don't write. 

I'm buying a typewriter this week, its the only thing I can tolerate to write creatively on aside from by hand. No distractions, strictly traditional.

As this week progresses, I start to act like a 30 year old single woman more and more.

I take hour long baths and wallow, hang around my room naked, and eat chocolate. 

I've never really liked sunshine, I've always preferred slightly chilly cloudy days but the minute the sun dissipates, I get sad and lonely. 

Night becomes my loneliest hours. I don't know what's wrong with me.

...Titties.

New goals.

I am going to force myself to write every day, any type of creative writing I choose for that specific day. 

I need to release more of my thoughts.

Afterword, I will post them here daily. Perhaps they will inspire and provide insight to others.

I'm working on the screenplay of a short film also, don't want to give out too many details considering it is only in the beginning stages but I really aspire to write as much possible for that too.

You know what's so silly? Writing is in my family. I think it was my great grandfather wrote speeches for the Peruvian congress, my grandfather wrote songs, my mother writes poetry and lyrics, and now look at me! Writing screenplays and poems. I suppose the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

On a lighter note, I'm happy. Are you? 

I really wish you all were. 

Is it silly of me to wish that?

You all inspire me and give me the greatest joy.

"I don't know about God, but I believe in you."

Some writing.

Hello, all.

I know I'm really awful at updating but I've been so incredibly busy.

Not like anyone cares much, but I'm up to alot.

1. School, in general.

2. Art Bash proposal/installation

3. Best friend visiting for a week

4. Making time for someone

It ain't easy, kiddies!

I hope everyone is doing well.

Okay, so here is some writing I did a couple of weeks ago, please feel free to tell me what you think.

The musk of the room was unbearable. Corpses, being dissected by human hands 

Serving as mediators between the living and the dead

In plunges a hand, into the groin of another

Fingers writhing creepily, yearning for the next stroke

Out bursts the gloved hand covered in muck ever so suddenly

Stroking her hair, he wonders what happened

This precious human, so cold but once was warm

Cascading down to her eyelids, he wonders what she once saw through those eyes,

The horrors, the beauty.

Lacking his normally aggressive touch, he thrusts

Where her heart once was, holding it

Wanting to squeeze as to burst every vessel, he resists.

Though her eyes are firmly shut, he felt her piercing stare like daggers

Why her?

With hesitation and much frustration,

He closed her tomb

Causing his whole body to shudder

__________________________________________

Oh you, little pain

You send shock-waves through me

Why that spot?

My thumb has done no harm to you!

Pound, pound, pound you go, as if for eternity

Like a child screaming louder and louder at each cry

Do you need to tell me something?

Am I full of sparks?

You are the most electric of them all

There you are again, my little electron filled friend

Just tell me, tell me

Burst through my flesh and whisper to me what it is you need to say

Your persistence is admirable, 

Your presence displeasing,

Can you please just stop teasing?

_____________________________________

I wanted to be you.

I wanted to be your friend.

I wanted your life.

You taught me how to dress.

You taught me how to act.

I wanted your adventures.

I wanted your mysteries.

I wanted your dramas.

California, Sydney, Paris

I wanted it all.

Just like a book, my memory withers with age.

I tried desperately to be you.

__________________________________________

Okay.

This is my plan.

Since I am taking a whopping 18 credits this semester, I should be plenty.

I hope to fully immerse myself in my work and forget anything else. 

I like being stressed, its weird. 

If I don't have frequent anxiety  or sense of panic, I don't feel right.

Peculiar. 

Did some writing in class today, update later.

New Year, New Semester

Why hello there, blogworld.

It's been such a long while! Shame on me for being so enthused about having a blog and then just leaving it in cyberspace to rot. I hope everyone is doing splendidly, because I am happy. I am truly happy. Delighted, even. I think I have programmed myself to be no matter what I'm going through. I seem to have a sense of perpetual optimism, is that a bad thing? Can someone be too nice? Good question. I never thought that was possible on account of my adoration for great spirits, cheeriness, and enthusiasm. But enough sillyness! Updates must be made.

- I spent about a month in New York. Working at Quiksilver, as usual. Got to be re-united with my friends who are basically like my family and then my real family. Met some cool people, took some cool polaroids, remembered why I love the people I love.

-Went to Miami, didn't get to stay at my own place though but had a lovely time with Rachel, Linnette, and Caro Bustle. Got to do my typical Miami things: eat Sir Pizza, eat Chicken Kitchen, search for ice cream late at night, curse out some people, and drive around aimlessly. I hate Miami but I just treasure it more every time I go there. Though I am quite a fan of Frank L. Baum, I will quote "There's no place like home."

-My proudest achievements have been my initiative towards writing. I've always had a passion but I feel like I was just writing in my head. Taking it to paper is a whole different level. I love it, words are something I can play with, re-arrange, and express myself with. Its like a puzzle of nouns, adjectives, letters, punctuation, grammar that can compose whatever you wish. Perhaps I can become a writer, my name is good writer's name. I've always thought that. Feel free to judge and criticize anything but here goes, my little bit of words to the world.

Is it all as it is meant to be?

The possibility of alteration,

Is it not up to me?

They say "Choose your own destiny"

Pave the bricks of your yellow brick road

When you don't see it winding 'round the bend,

What do you do then?

_____________________________

I breathe you in,

Into the deepest depths of my lungs

Clasping my lips together

So that you never escape

There is nothing I fear more,

Than my next gasp of air

For it is then that I set you free

To diffuse into particles and blend with the rest

My cherished little breath.

___________________________________

Promise fills the emptiness of leaving

Possibilities swell within me that charter me into the unknown

Like caves dimly lit,

Entering with a silent guide solely providing a sense of direction

At arrival, stone cold rocks dig under your feet

Your weight shifts

Stepping on this new terrain, a wrong step can send you falling

With a hint of force, upright you will be

For how long? No one knows

For the first step is only the beginning.

_____________________________________

Don't believe the words I say.

Ignore the charm that I display.

Can't you see all I do is play?

With your heartstrings

That beautifully bellow the sounds of insecurities

Pardon me, I must bid you adieu,

Because where my heart is,

I haven't got a single clue.

_________________________________

So thats it. Just some silly little things. I've also begun writing a short film, well I've been trying to write a short film. Its an awkward comedy that is somewhat autobiographical, we'll see how that ends up. 

-It is 2009! Thats always exciting. New Years is the only holiday I can actually tolerate. 

-I have expanded my book collection. Though most of my books are packed in boxes at home I have recently acquired the following

• Jack Kerouac's Book of Sketches which I am currently reading which has inspired me a lot. Most think that sketching can just be drawing but I'm working on his method. This book is comprised of his notebooks that he took around with him and wrote about the places he was, the people he met, etc. 
• A book on Mondrian
• A book on Matisse
• Baroque and Rococo
• History of Italian Renaissance Art
• The Pleasure of my Company by Steve Martin
• A book on Hieronymous Bosch.

- I have a new room mate. Her name is Karina. She is from Brazil. New people are refreshing, its always nice to meet new people, don't ya think? She's quite lovely, I'm sure we will mesh together well. 

- I have for once decided to be an over achiever and am taking 18 credits this semester, one more class than most. What can I say? I like being stressed. I initially chose to do this in order to take this writing class but now it seems like I am unable to but a solution must be found! Writing Skills 1, here I come!

Thats about it for me.

I wish you would tell me more about you. Would you?

I'd love to hear of your travels, adventures, etc.

Who is "you?" Why, its you silly!

Take care. 

Oh! and expect more frequent updates and writing samples.